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How to Ask for Consent

Writer's picture: LucyLucy

Consent is necessary for safe sex, but it doesn't have to feel awkward and polite.


What is Consent?

Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. It’s about communication between us: that we want something mutually. It says “yes, you are invited to touch me and my body”.

We need to feel safe. We need to trust that our partner(s) are going to listen to us and what we want. We need to be trustworthy, as well, which means this is a two-way street (or three-way). When we feel safe and we trust our intimates, we can let go of tension and have more fun! Also, for females, when we are able to release tension, we are more likely to cum – waheyyy!

Without further ado, I’m gonna give 10 simple and sexy ways to ask for consent.


Initiating

1. Would you like to… Do you want to… and describe something. For example, “would you like to go upstairs?”, “Do you wanna sit on my face?”


2. What if I [insert sexual act], would you like that? “I would like to …”, “I want to … [with raised eyebrows in question]”. Tell them what you want to do and ask them if they would like that. This can be pretty sexy to be on the receiving end of. Or, maybe not sexy at all. Learn to hear no.


3. Can I …? Can I kiss you? Can I touch you? Can I fuck you? Can I get the lube? This does feel like asking for permission, and I think this approach is less sexy, but it works and it ensures consent.


4. Yes? This is simple. You can just phrase a statement as a question, such as, “You want me to fuck you?”


5. Tell me what you want me to do to you. Simple. Let them have the say. You’re allowed to say no too if it doesn’t float your boat.


6. Where do you like to be touched? Where gives them pleasure? They might tell you to take control, if they trust you, it could be anywhere.

Checking In

7. How are you feeling? Are you alright? Simply checking in with your partner(s) along the way is a good practise. If they don’t feel they can say stop, it gives them an opportunity to check in with themselves.

8. Is that good? Is that nice? Do you like that? These questions are great to check, for example, speeds and pressures and sensations. If you are met with “yes”, you can rest assured you’re doing a good job at giving them pleasure.

9. How could I give you more pleasure? How could this be more pleasurable for you? They could suggest changing position, or a different speed or pressure. If you know what you want, what gets you going, it’s great when you’re asked this question. Opportunity to learn here.

Body Language

This usually develops within a relationship, where the partners can agree on different body signals and exchanges to communicate their desires. Often this can be easier than talking.


10. Body Language: Licking their lip when kissing, yours being licked back might be a good signal. Biting their lip gently, them biting back. Slowly moving your hand towards the place. Pointing to areas. Raising eyebrows as if to ask “yes? here?”. You might receive a nod in reply, a thumbs up, or a shaking head. You can develop your own body language with your partners.

Here you can read the different ways to say no.


A good thing to do before starting the sex, or even entering the bedroom, is to have a conversation about what you both want and don’t want.


Talk about consent. Talk about signals. For example, “If I tap you on the shoulder, that means stop”.


Agree on things. This mutuality means trust can be developed. And Trust makes for AMAZING SEX.

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