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"I was ashamed that I masturbated": Getting Loose with Female Masturbation

Writer's picture: LucyLucy

Cover by @slimesunday


I recall a conversation with a friend that sent me into a masturbation closet.

I must have been about 15, and we were just having a chat... I somehow implied that I masturbated - at the time, I assumed it was normal - and her reaction was so full of disgust. I'm pretty sure she said something along the lines of, "I don't do that, it's gross"... and that was all it took for me to feel ashamed...


I know our memories can fail us sometimes, our brains can recreate "memories" depending on how we feel about them, but the feeling this one provokes is so strong.


I was ashamed that I masturbated, for years.

I used to have chats with close boy friends who would REFUSE the idea that "girls don't masturbate". So I gave them my side of the story: I did. I only really told my close male friends that I masturbated, because I felt they weren't going to shame me.


WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR FRIENDS IF WE SHAME THEM?!

If we feel disgusted by someone else's actions/tastes/hobbies, we should be interrogating ourselves, not shaming them. We could ask ourselves, 'Why do I feel this is disgusting?', 'What limiting messages have I been telling myself?'


Additionally, shame should not have a place in any sex scenario. Shame means we are more likely to submit and feel anxious. Shaming someone else is a power move that should only be role-played (ref. BDSM). Shame is dangerous.


I've got news for you: women masturbate.




Affirming Confessions for vagina-owners

Feminist influencer Florence Given (@florencegiven) compiled this amazing and affirming post about Common Early Experiences of Pleasure for Young Girls/Vagina Owners. Thousands of her followers sent in their early experiences of pleasure that they were ashamed of, and OH MY SHITTING GOD. IT IS AMAZING.


I laughed so hard reading the RELATABLE and AFFIRMING stories. Some of my favourites:

  • Replaying the sex scenes in films to get the "tingly feeling"

  • Clinging to the wall of the pool because fucking hell THOSE JETS

  • Humping your pillows


The list is like 40 submissions long. I highly recommend checking it out.


Sex Toys

In the last 2 years, I've assisted in 4 friends getting their first sex toy. None of them have ever looked back, and they thank me to this day. hahahaa. We should be lifting each other up to high places, I think vibrators and sex toys for solo pleasure should be a more widely accepted gift. These are tools specifically engineered for your pleasure.


When buying your first, you can start simple with a bullet vibrator (£8-15). Or, if you want your G-spot stimulated, perhaps invest in a dildo.


Consider what kind of stimulation you require. Clitoris wise, you might like really direct stimulation, where the toy has a small surface area to get directly to your clit. Or, you might like a flatter surface that stimulates the area around your clit. You might even wanna go hands-free. Sex Toys can also be used between partners!


We're gonna be providing more articles on masturbation and toys, but for now... Here are some accounts we think you should follow!


@florencegiven

@am.appointment (Providing honest and reliable information about female orgasms and masturbation.)

@sexwithashley (Sex Blogger + Influencer | Orgasm Activist)

@clitoriscious (Sexual Empowerment & Wellness)

@shrimpteeth (Explorative Clam | Queer, Polyam)





FOLLOW GETTING LOOSE ON INSTAGRAM AND FACEBOOK FOR BITESIZE SEX ED


Cover photo by @slimesunday

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