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Kiss Chase and other early messages of consent

Writer's picture: LucyLucy

I remember Kiss Chase as a game we played in primary school in the playground where we would chase the boys and try to kiss them, and then they would chase us back. I have never thought about this child’s game as problematic until the girls in The Receipts Podcast reframed its premise.


In episode 98 of the podcast, titled “Just the Tip”, the hosts, Tolly, Audrey, and Milena openly discuss their thoughts and experiences on sexual assault.

A large part of the conversation is relaying school days: having their asses grabbed by the boys in school and chasing them around in a rage until a teacher finally tells you to “stop running in the corridor”; having a male teacher who all the girls just dismissed as a “paedo”, receiving comments from him like ‘you look nice today’ and ‘that’s a short skirt’, looking under the desks under their skirts… Then the girls talk about Kiss Chase, where boys would chase and run after girls, and they wouldn’t “win” until they had kissed the girl, often forcing her to do it or allow it. (And of course, it happened the other way around too).


So much has been normalised, but it is not normal. (quote inspired by @florencegiven)

Honestly, until listening to this episode today, I had it in my head that Kiss Chase was a normal game for kids to play, an alternate version of Tag. However, seeing this game in a different light, it's easy to see how ut could have been very traumatising.


On Urban Dictionary, this is the definition:

‘A horrifically traumatising game, as played by primary and junior school children, in which girls chase around any boy who they want to kiss. It's a rubbish game.’

This doesn’t give much of a definition, but clearly some people have been “horrifically traumatis[ed]” by this seemingly normal game.


Assuming that by taking part you are consenting to be kissed, I highly doubt that primary children would say “but if at any point in the game you don’t wanna be kissed you can just say so and leave the game” because most of us weren’t taught about consent and the fact that it can be removed at any point. It’s more likely we’d call someone a party pooper, boring, for pulling out of the game.


Additionally, I remember playing the game and chasing boys who hadn’t even chosen to take part. I remember dares to go and kiss someone, for a laugh. And tbf it was funny at the time because we knew we shouldn’t be doing it so there was a thrill to it.

But Jesus CHRIST. What messages does this send???


I’m sorry if I ever traumatised you (boys in my primary school) by running up to you, chasing you, and trying to kiss you. I should have known better.

It could be argued that this same behaviour is carried over into secondary school. For example, boys are dared to go up to girls and touch their boob and run away… and this is normalised. Technically, according to UK law, it is sexual assault.



Ooof. It always seems so serious and damaging when we say it like it is and stop making excuses.


We should be teaching our children that

1. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, and anyone that forces you into doing it, or does something to you regardless, should be reported have their lesson learned.

2. You need to respect other people’s boundaries. If someone doesn’t want to do something, don’t make them do it, don’t pressure them to do it, and don’t do it regardless. Their body is theirs only, it is not yours to take from or touch.

3. When someone’s body is touched when the person didn’t want it to be, they can feel upset or angry. It might send a message to that person that their body is not theirs, which is not true.

We also learn dodgy messages about consent in the home environment. Kids are often told “kiss your uncle”, “kiss your aunty”, “give them a hug”, and when the child says, “I don’t want to”, sometimes they are told not to be rude, that this isn’t their choice.






AHHHHHHHHSAKL

UDFHWEAFOEA*




*the visual representation of me releasing my anger









Post-COVID, Kiss Chase will probably be banned anyway.

I hope you know, reader, hi hello, that your body is your own. Only your own. You own it. It is yours. It is not your partner’s. It is not your parent’s. It does not belong to anyone who has ever told you it was theirs. Youuurrrrrrrs. Live it. Love it. Blabla. You get the point.


Yours truly.

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